Fixing the Hand That Feeds You, with:

WHAT THE FABRIC?
Konen: I found this sweet corduroy blazer in my closet last night. I'm gonna wear it to the Movember 'Stache Bash tomorrow night.
Coworker: Nice. What color is it?
Konen: Corduroy.
Coworker: No...what COLOR is it?
Konen: Corduroy!!
Coworker: Oh my god, corduroy is not a color! It's a fabric!
Konen: It's definitely the color!
Coworker: Ok, then what is khaki??
-Konen, fashionista / misinformed color theorist

THE LAUNDER GAMES


This is the day of the laundry…

And believe me, this is no easy maneuver. What, you guys don’t have a carefully crafted set of non-negotiable rules that determine the optimal conditions / timing and also guarantee the success of laundry day? Get with it!
 





Obstacles of Confusion - Everybody thinks they know best…so. many. opinions.



Environmental Constraints - Make the trek to the laundromat in the rain? ARE YOU KIDDING?! No.



Perfect Positioning -
 All washers MUST be right next to each other…not sure whether I fear the thieving my highly prized wardrobe or if its just a matter of convienence, but I have inherently never wanted my clothes separated. 


The planets have aligned,
let the games BEGIN!

 

I don’t know why it’s frowned upon to get a manicure…there’s MAN in the name!

Konen, ready to up his man babe game…

KREATIONS

















Konen, culinary innovator / pork product revolutionary

KOPYRIGHTS




MAN BABE
- a guy with enough good looks to deserve recognition, a.k.a. “would I want to look like him?”





-Your friendly neighborhood badass, Christopher Meloni.



-Political powerhouse, Paul Ryan.





- Mr. President himself, Barack Obama.





-Leo, circa Romeo and Juliet, obviously.
 









George Clooney
- YES  ✓     
 
Brad Pitt - NO  X




Affleck - ABSOLUTELY!  
  

Damon - Did you save the world in Armageddon, buddy? Didn’t think so. X

How I Feel About Divers…

jamesvandermemes:

-Konen, proud swimmer / even more proud Van Der Geek

(Source: jamesvandermemes)

Spoiler Alert

Guess what…I’m totally growing up, guys!

I reached a crossroads with my carton of eggs…a few of them were post-fall Humpty Dumpty and I definitely THOUGHT about eating them but because I wasn’t knocking on starvation’s, I tossed ‘em before I tossed my cookies. 

You Take the High Road, I’ll Take the Low Road?


Here’s what I shall call the Affliction Method.


While observing fellow patrons of the highly scientific laboratory that is Buffalo Wild Wings, I determined there are basically two paths to gettin’ ladies:

You either have to get Olympic athlete-style ripped, which requires a LOT of hard work and dedication, OR you could just let yourself get pudgy, gauge your ears and flaunt the illusion of excess wealth via overpriced Affliction tees and you’ll somehow have chicks crawling all over you like you’re an actual manbabe.

You decide.